So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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