I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I party with great urgency now.
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