Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
