How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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