do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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