those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
