I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
