its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
