shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
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