You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
