cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
