You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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