I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
