On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
