the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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