My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
