He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
