what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize