I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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