grandma shit on top of the toilet
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
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