But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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