Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Quick, to the slutcave!
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Randomize
