Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
