No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
