he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
