i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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