I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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