You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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