I accidentally burped into my bong.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
