Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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