If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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