i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I just want nice things and good sex
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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