..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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