Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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