youre lurking in front of me
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize
