They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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