Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Why did my mother make you get naked?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
