We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
