my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
