She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I want to make a zoo with you.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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