Only a mothe r could love this liver
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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