If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
only if we run a train.
done.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
