Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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