I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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