It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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