He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
