Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Green mimosas i think yes
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize