How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
