I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Randomize
