blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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