Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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