nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
im six kinds of drunk right now
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I didn't notice because vodka
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
