my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
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