am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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