Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Why is there bacon in the couch?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
