Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
