I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Randomize