you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
