So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Randomize
