Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
