oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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