Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
