3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
