I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
