My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
