legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
