Whats the glycemic index on semen?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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