I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
