can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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