Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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