I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
