I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
